Originally published on May 25, 2021 and updated on May 6, 2025.
When your parent with dementia refuses help, your first reaction might be frustration. Why don’t they want your help and support? It may be hard for you to understand, just as it’s hard for them to understand why they need assistance. To help alleviate some of your frustration, our Terra Vista team has compiled a list of 10 ways to care for a parent with dementia who refuses care.
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What Can I Do When My Parent with Dementia Refuses Help?
Caring for your senior loved one at home can be a tough task, especially when a parent with dementia refuses help. Here are some practical tips from our experts at Terra Vista to navigate this difficult situation.
1) Maintain a Medication Routine
Building trust and understanding when your parent with dementia refuses help is a slow but important process. They may refuse medication because they aren’t able to explain the side effects they feel, they don’t understand what the medication is for, or they don’t recognize or trust their caregiver. Start by trying to understand what your parent wants and build a routine off of that. It’ll take patience from you, but it’ll also make giving your loved one their medicine that much easier.
2) Adapt to the Your Parent’s Personal Hygiene Rituals
The best method of keeping your parent hygienic is to understand their preferences – this is key when learning how to help someone with dementia. When your parent with dementia refuses help, ask specific questions such as whether or not they prefer a shower to a bath, or if the water is too warm or too cold. It may not seem like a big deal, but adapting some of your parent’s personal preferences can help them follow a hygiene routine.
3) Encourage a Healthy Appetite
When a parent with dementia refuses help during mealtimes, the source of the issue may simply be a poor appetite. Encourage your loved one to move around in the morning and afternoon to build a healthy appetite. Also, try to minimize distractions in the dining room to keep them focused on eating. At no point should you try to force-feed them – this can only make the problem worse.
4) Don’t Judge Their Behaviors
Figuring out how to help someone with dementia in this respect is difficult, and attempting to convince your parent that they have dementia can lead to denial. Instead, try to address the problem while not judging their behavior. Offer solutions and be supportive. For example, if a loved one has trouble managing medications, get them a weekly medication box. When it comes to keeping them safe, you may need to take away certain things such as car keys. Undoubtedly, this will be a major change for someone who enjoys being able to do things independently. Be patient with them as they may become confused or angry. [/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]
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5) Consider Alternatives to Normal Doctors Appointments
If the doctor appointment is not urgent, consider alternatives like telemedicine. On the other hand, if the upcoming doctor appointment is related to an urgent medical issue, you’ll need to push your loved one about the importance of visiting the doctor. However, do not push your loved one forcibly. If a parent with dementia refuses help for urgent medical issues, try asking them why they don’t want to see the doctor. Next, you can address those concerns with compassion and understanding to help your loved one feel more confident about the appointment.
6) Help Them Adjust to New Caregivers
To help your loved one feel more comfortable or reassured with an outside caregiver, try to stay around for the first few visits. This will help your loved one feel like you aren’t abandoning them. It may take a few tries to find the right caregiver or at least one that your parent likes. Take any complaints that your parent has about the caregiver seriously. However, you shouldn’t immediately change caregivers every time your loved one complains, or else you may create a never-ending revolving door.
Read More: What Are the Stages of Vascular Dementia?
7) Put Yourself in Their Shoes
Imagine one day you’re living independently, and the next thing you know, you’re being told you have dementia. That’s a scary scenario, but one felt by everyone who has been affected by dementia. When a family member or parent with dementia refuses help, it’s important to put yourself in their shoes. This will help you understand why your family member is angry or nervous. No one wants their independence taken from them, so do your best to show empathy and understanding for their situation.
8) Ask Questions to Gain Insights
8) Ask Questions to Gain InsightsSimply asking questions can help you understand why your parent with dementia refuses help. These insights can help you address fears and anxiety felt by your loved ones and help you make adjustments to make them feel at ease. Try not to ask accusatory questions such as, “Why are you acting so difficult?” Instead ask, “Could you tell me more about how you feel?”
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9) Recruit a Professional for Help
Although it may sound contradictory to previous points, sometimes a loved one feels more comfortable talking about their problems with a professional or a third party. But this is not limited to nurses, doctors, or social workers. Perhaps an old friend can be part of the conversation for a parent with dementia that is refusing help. Reach out to the childhood friends of your parent or family member. Your mother or father may feel more comfortable talking to a friend about their symptoms and care.
10) Ask Questions in Different Ways
When asking questions to understand your parent’s refusal of help, you may find yourself asking the same questions over and over. Instead, try leaving questions open-ended so that your parent feels like they can give more than a yes or no answer. For example, let’s say your loved one keeps complaining about a caregiver. Instead of asking if they want to change caregivers, you should ask how they’d like their caregiver to help them.
How to Help Your Parent Maintain Their Dignity
Maintaining your loved ones’ dignity can help them feel comfortable with being assisted. When caring for a parent with dementia at home starts to interfere with your day-to-day life, you might lose some patience with them. But you should not let that affect the level of respect you have for their personal preferences.
1) Respect Personal Style Choices
What you may think looks nice or decent may be far off from what your parent likes to wear. When picking out clothing for your loved one, offer them options similar to the style of clothes they already own. Do they like to wear a certain article of clothing on specific days or occasions? Options will help your loved one feel as though they still have control over some things in their life. Sometimes too many options can be overwhelming, but you should still offer them choices. In this situation you might hold up two blouses and ask, “Would you like to wear the red blouse or the blue blouse?”
Read More: 7 Qualities You Need Prior to Becoming a Dementia Caregiver
2) Sit When Giving Lunch or Dinner
If your parent needs assistance with eating, sit with them. The reason your parent with dementia refuses help with meals may be because they feel intimidated when you feed them. Standing over them as you feed them doesn’t invoke the same feeling as sitting with them at eye level. When you level with your loved one, you are conveying a feeling of compassion.
3) Respect Music, Television, Sports, and Radio Preferences
3) Respect Music, Television, Sports, and Radio PreferencesRespecting what your loved one likes to watch or listen to can help them feel more in control of their lives. If your parent is watching their favorite program, don’t walk up and change the channel. The sudden change from their favorite show to something unfamiliar might provoke feelings of anger or confusion. Further, music lyrics trigger a different area of the brain. Try playing their favorite song to encourage positive engagement.
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Ways To Treat Depression and Anxiety in Patients With Dementia
Among the effects dementia has on a person, depression and anxiety are some of the most prevalent. When figuring out how to help someone with dementia, it’s important to notice if they’re feeling isolated, sad, or refusing to get out of bed. Finding them the proper treatment or care can help reduce these effects. Here are some ways to treat the depression and anxiety felt by patients with dementia.
Depression and Anxiety In Dementia Patients
Depression and anxiety associated with dementia can lead your parent to disconnect and disengage in daily activities. Further, the symptoms of anxiety may cause a dementia patient to refuse care or support. Once your family member becomes disconnected from social interactions, their mental health may start to decline which increases the likelihood of your loved one needing to transition into memory care in Illinois. So how can you help someone with dementia when they’re experiencing these additional effects?
Read More: 4 Common Behaviors of Dementia and Ways to Respond
Approaching Treatment
New research on home-delivered dementia therapy has shown some positive results in patients who suffer from anxiety, depression, or mild cognitive impairment. The therapy, called Problem Adaption Therapy or PATH, involves a therapist visiting your parent 12 times weekly. During the sessions, the therapist will ask questions, offer solutions, and build a personalized plan for patients that are refusing care.
Psychosocial Interventions
Despite there being limited research on psychosocial interventions as a treatment for older adults with depression and anxiety with cognitive impairment, studies have shown it to be the lowest-risk regiment. Several different non-medication treatments, such as psychosocial interventions, can be used as first-line treatments for individuals that are refusing care. Explore your options for care – our community for memory care in Illinois can help. [/vc_column_text]
Alzheimer’s and Dementia Care Offered at Terra Vista
Alzheimer’s and Dementia Care Offered at Terra Vista: Memory Care in Illinois
It can be difficult to provide the proper care for a loved one with dementia on your own. The staff at our community for memory care in Illinois are well trained in what to do when an individual with dementia refuses care. Through a resident-centered approach, we can deliver your loved one personalized care at Terra Vista. We accomplish this by asking about your loved ones’ personal preferences and what their life was like before having dementia. From what they like to eat to what they did for a living, each question helps us develop a customized plan for your parent.
We encourage you to take a tour of our community for memory care in Illinois or head to our website. If you have any questions about the accommodations and Alzheimer’s care programs at our Terra Vista, give our staff a call at (630) 793-0753. See if we can be the new place that your loved one calls home.
